Well, here's a life update, or something like that I guess. I'm so stressed. I can't decide if that's to be attributed to coursework, work work, home stuff, or just world news and whatnot. I reached a point recently that I was so stressed out to the point that I sat on the floor of my dorm and cried. I don't cry often, but it was as if I were Toto and I was told to bless the rains down in Africa. My orchestra director back home calls this the "Pickle Jar Moment." It's when everything is going wrong, but you're trying to keep it together, but then you just want to get a pickle and you can't get the jar open and all hell breaks loose.
It started a couple weeks ago. My childhood best friend, Emily, was leaving in two weeks for her 18 month long mission trip in Pocatello, Idaho. She's Mormon, and after months of deliberation she deferred enrollment to BYU to accept her calling as a missionary. I'm so proud of her. She's been my best friend since I moved to Houston. We played soccer growing up, then joined orchestra together, she fought for me to always be in the same orchestra as her when we got to high school, we had jam sessions in the car (and I'm talking the hair flipping, head banging, car shaking, type of jam sessions you see in movies), countless Target runs, and so many trips to boba shops and parks and everything else. For nearly 15 years, we were inseparable. College would be the first time we were apart. We talk every day and she probably knows enough about UNT that she could walk onto the campus and act like she belongs. However, those two weeks suddenly turned into four days, and it just started hitting me. I'll miss seeing her by about a week by the time I go home for spring break. It's been eating me up and I'm going to miss her so much, but life moves on.
But what's stupid, is that's just the first thing. Then there's the possibility that my mom has cancer, but I don't know anything about that. They've both dropped things on me, as if to tell me she does, but I'm not sure. I'm too scared to ask her, so I don't. I just keep moving along as if everything's okay, because if I don't think about it too much then it's not happening and everything will continue to be okay. On top of that, even if it is something, my parents are both gonna ask me to be strong and stay up here and continue working because they'll be able to handle it down there and they don't need me being concerned and everything.
Then there was the time I went back to Houston recently. My uncle was sent to the hospital, and they weren't sure that he was gonna make it. He had pneumonia and wasn't responding well to the treatment, and you know how everyone has a favorite uncle? that's who he was to me. He taught me a lot about the game of baseball, would always come support me when I played softball, and though he didn't care about hockey, he would always drive up to Dallas to come see me play. Ultimately, he's going to be okay. He was released from the hospital today (2/27) so that's a bit of good news.
Of course, it is also midterm season, and that's fine. Midterms have to happen at some point, but now it's like I have a short film script that needs to be written, a research essay that needs to be fully drafted, a newscast to put together since my teammate has been out of the country all week, and two additional tests that I'm worrying about. I'm just one brain with one moderately working brain cell that's too busy focused on life to even comprehend how midterms are supposed to function.
And now there's work too! Mean Green Productions is the coolest thing I could've been a part of, however it appears as though I have camera fright. Not to be confused with stage fright, because I don't have that. Knowing that I'm being recorded and can have the opportunity to be harassed because of it, or even made into a meme as a result terrifies me. It's my dream to be an on-field reporter for the Astros or the Blue Jays, but if I can't even do color commentary for my own University, then I won't be getting anywhere. It's not that I don't know what I'm talking about, however, I don't want to be wrong. So then, I'm not nearly as confident as I should be. But it's fun, and I really enjoyed it, and I'm looking forward to more games this season.
Then there's all the stuff associated with NTTV, I was asked to bring back a podcast for SportsZone, since I'm not an analyst on the show this year, but this podcast is practically pulling me in 900 different directions. I don't have the confidence to do it on my own, but I can't seem to find enough time to work on that, and softball, and my actual class work. Yet, this is a thing I want to do, so I try to carve time out of my already packed schedule in order to make this work.
Outside of Denton, there's the Astros situation. It's hard watching them get harassed like this. As someone who knows a lot of these guys personally, it's not fun. I talk to Chris Devenski and he's actively warning me to avoid them this year when I go to games at Globe Life, and maybe don't wear an Astros jersey, unless I'm ready to get a lot of crap from people. These guys are the guys that I look up to, the ones that make my summer's entertaining. Though it's not like it won't be entertaining this year, but it will be unfair. I'm watching my guys get beaned when many of them weren't even part of the sign stealing situation in the first place. Furthermore, there's many guys that aren't with the Astros now that were apart of the 2017 debacle, namely, Marwin Gonzalez, who put up career numbers in 2017 before joining the Twins that offseason and ultimately was one of the players to use this system the most.
Lastly, there's the Coronavirus. That scares me on so many levels, I lack a general understanding of where I want to begin with that situation. The fact that we're not equipped to handle it here in the US. The fact that it could spread so quickly. I remember when Ebola hit, but I wasn't nearly as scared about that as I am this. I don't know if I was just a naive little kid at the time, or what, but COVID-19 scares me so much. It could hit Houston and effect my friends and my family back home leaving me defenseless up here. Or it could hit up here and get to me, and then I'll feel separated from those that I know and love. It's just scary and I don't know what caused it, because I used to not be bothered by stuff like this, but lately it's been every big thing that could cause death for me is frightening. Last year I would be in a constant panic over climate change and the little amount of time we have left on this Earth. Now, it's the Coronavirus that could attack anywhere, and my central support system isn't in the same place anymore so I don't know where to run to.
It's a scary situation, and if it isn't obvious, my brain is in a million different places and honestly, sometimes this stuff gets to me and hurts me so badly it's a pain in the butt to get up in the morning. At the same time though, I don't want to just hide in a corner away from the world, but that's where my head is and isn't right now. But, to everyone else, perhaps this provides some insight to some of my recent outbursts and enjoy the cover picture of me and my (fake) little brother, Ethan.
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